War
by Pinned back Wings
Summary: M!Hawke kills Anders, his love, just to preserve Kirkwall from a war with Starkhaven. Hawke's feelings for Sebastian are tainted now.


**War**

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><p>Garrett could feel the monster boil inside of his abdomen. He could feel the rage bubbling to the surface. The wrath was seeping through the cracks of the same old facade he always put on.<p>

_Isabela wrapped a comforting arm around Hawke's shoulder, pressing her chest to the point of his shoulder blades._

_"I know how much Anders meant to you Hawke, but it was for the best."_

_"Best for who?" his voice was husky and dry. He didn't dare look up at the woman, he didn't dare try to._

_"Best for everyone." Isabela replied as she tried to smile, but failed miserably._

_"For everyone Isabela?" It out-raged Hawke that his lover's death was taken so lightly, "best for everyone? What about me! When do I get to start caring about me once and awhile?" Isabela looked at her fearless leader and watched as tears toppled down his cheeks. Isabela had never seen a grown man cry, and Isabela had never seen Hawke cry. She didn't want to say it, but he looked beautiful. _Beautiful._ Wrapped in despair and saddness, she thought he looked beautiful. She wanted to comfort him the best she could, but obviously that wasn't good enough._

_"I've always done what others have asked! I desired to be happy!" Hawke yelled at the top of his lungs, "I've lost everything, and now I've lost my lover." Isabela couldn't say any comforting words to Garrett at this point because, he was right._

_"You have your friends."_

_Garrett sneered at Isabela, "you mean the people that have betrayed me?" _

_Isabela cringed back, feeling that blow. It was like a smack in the face._

_"You ran away, and I applaud you for coming back, but what's keeping you here anymore? Merrill is the new Dalish Keeper, but she went against my wishes and the groups wishes to stop working on that damned mirror!" Hawke slammed his fist into the stone wall, "and what can I say about Fenris? I had to kill him!" More tears, "his blood is on my hands damnit!" He slammed the same fist into the wall again, blood smearing on the brick._

_"Hawke," Isabela croaked out watching him repeatedily smash his fist against the wall, "Hawke," she said it with more urgency upon seeing the blood and hearing the crunching of bones, "Hawke Andraste's ass!" Isabela took a hold of his elbow as he went to smash his fist against the wall again, "Anders wouldn't want this!" _

_He froze._

Anders.

The sweet smile was passed at him as the blush hazed his cheeks over. Hawke smiled back to his lover as he brushed the golden threads out of his face. The sweet chocolate eyes staring up at him as he leaned on his elbow.

He mouthed something to him, "I love you."

_"How do you know what he would want?" His knuckles turned white as he shrugged Isabela off his arm, "a part of me died with him Isabela." Hawke didn't turn around to look her in the eyes, afraid of the tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes. Blood dripped off of his knuckles in a subtle attempt to relieve the heartbreak, the pain surged through his arm like electricity._

_"I understand Hawke, but please-"_

_"No!" He whipped around, no longer feeling afraid of the tears that burnt at his eyes. Anger took over him as he smashed his other hand into the wall, beside Isabela's head, "you don't understand Isabela. You and them," his words filled with venom as he looked over at the group of his 'friends', "will. never. understand." Each word was ended with spit to her face._

_"Don't ever, ever, say you understand me right now." He pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on. With eyes blood shot and cheeks red, he stalked off into Kirkwall's brisk air._

_"Sebastian," Garrett spat the name out like it was poison, "what brings you here o' prince of Starkhaven?" Sebastian stood at the entrance of the Hawke mansion and Hawke wanted to reached out and choke the life out of him._

_"I wanted to apologize, I know that Anders meant quite a lot to you," Sebastian swallowed the lump growing in his throat, "and I understand that you are quite mad at me."_

_"Mad?" Garrett laughed loudly, "that's an understatment right there Prince. I'm livid with you. You made me deside between my lover and Kirkwall; you knew what I would've choosen." Sebastian finally looked up at Garrett, and opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it. Garrett's eyes were sunken in and the black bags underneath the sunkness gave him an eerie glow. His lips were thin and chapped, dry, as he spoke. Had loosing Anders done this to him?_

_"I've asked the Maker's guidance in this disicsion to apologize."_

_"Go back to your Maker and pray for forgiveness then, because I will never forgive you." Garrett spat at the choir boy and narrowed his eyes; "Anders' blood are on my hands not yours." _

_He slammed the door in Sebastian's face._

_Sebastian stayed there, frozen for a couple moments._

_"What have I done?"_

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><p>Garrett blinked away the tears the threatened to fall to the dirt beneath him.<p>

He brushed the moss that grew on the stone away from the lettering. Sorrow overwhelmed him in such a way, and the despair enveloped him in a cold emrace.

_Anders_.  
><em>Beloved, now and forever.<em>

Garrett had buried him away from Kirkwall, away from everything. He was in Fereldan, the cold nipping at his skin as he laid in the freezing weather. He remembered Anders telling him about Fereldan, and how they were going to visit it when everything was well. When his work was done, when Justice's work was finished.

Voices were heard in the distance as Garrett felt tears drop onto his shirt.

Looking over his shoulder as he gathered himself. He pulled up his hood as the wind blew harshly, his cloak was wrapping around his body as he did so.  
>Covering the headstone with leaves and vines, he kissed the top lovingly.<p>

"I'll take revenge for you my love, do not fear." The voices drew closer as Garrett pulled out his staff. A warm, glowing light embraced him and suddenly there was a flash of smoke and he was gone.

All was still.

Anger was building up inside of him, and he was about to blow. He was going to assassinate the Prince of Starkhaven, his once friends and now rival.

**Freaking Sebastian, I hated him because of this D: I didn't want a war to being with Starkhaven and Kirkwall, so I killed my romanced Anders... D:**


End file.
